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About Varied / Hobbyist Official Beta Tester Kels20/Female/New Zealand Groups :iconapocalyptic-dream: Apocalyptic-Dream
The path to Unity
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::PC:: Operia 2 of 2 by ZAFTs-Prince


Journal Entry: Sun Oct 26, 2014, 8:50 PM
The Lesbian Overlord

Comment Skin

I haven't been answering messages again.  I am aware of this.  Normally I'd say send me a Note, but I haven't been replying to those either.  So don't worry if I've ignored something of yours because I'm pretty much ignoring everyone right now.  Although if it's important than you should probably let me know again.

Long story short: I really need a break from DeviantArt.  And this time I mean an actual break, not the "I'll probably still be online but not as often as usual" bullshit I usually pull when I say I'm taking a hiatus.  I'll go into some of the details, but honestly you don't have to read them.

Trigger warning for those of you who are sensitive to heavy emotional shit.

A few of you already know this, but I've recently been diagnosed with severe depression.  Yes, I am receiving treatment for it...but I'm supposed to be taking antidepressants, which I have NOT been doing.  I need a prescription from the pharmacy, but because I'm so anxious talking to strangers I find it near impossible to call them about it.  Yes, I am literally that bad.  Also, even if I did get them I probably wouldn't take them, I have this weird thing against medication and can be ridiculously stubborn about taking them.  As pretty much have to force the pills down my throat half the time.

That's against the point.

For the past three months I've been basically sinking deeper and deeper.  My whole sense of self-worth is built around my ability to help others, and right now it seems I am incapable of doing so.  Most of my real life friends have grown tired of my shit (which, to be fair, is understandable) and I no longer have enough money to be able to help those I wish to aid.  It seems that everything I try to do I fail at, and at the end of the day someone is always left disappointed.  I just...never seem able to live up to anyone's expectations, especially my own.

I have ruminated about suicide, but I don't think I'd actually go that far.  It's more of a last resort for if these negative emotions don't go away.  I hope they do...I hope the counselor can help.  I don't know anymore.

As for DeviantArt.  I dread responding to some people or in some places because of fear I'll be harangued if I do, by those who I often commission to assist them.  I want to help, but I can't.  I want to admit this, but I won't.  So I just avoid the subject altogether.  I've tried everything I can think of to make money, but people just aren't interested.
Adoptables?  Sell for less than a dollar
Commissions?  Nobody cares
YCH's?  Unless it's cheap no-one wants to buy
I'm tired of trying.  It's not worth my time anymore to even bother anymore.

That's all I feel like saying at this point.  I don't want pity, I'm not doing this for attention, I don't care if you think lesser of me for posting this.

Bye for now.

Boobs (.)(.)

Deviant ID

Just call me Kels

20 | Female | Virgo

Lesbian Overlord (Single)

Hello there, and welcome to my page! The name's Kels, but most just call me Operia or Oppy. Honestly, I don't mind what you call me so long as it isn't rude.

But enough about that; you want to know about me! Well, I'm a university student from Wellington, New Zealand, working for a degree in psychology. Drawing is my passion and my hobby, but it's not my job. I draw because I want to.

I'm a little shy and can sometimes find it hard to talk to people, so it can take me awhile to respond to things. If you want to contact me, Notes is the best way; I generally reply to them a lot faster than comments. I am friendly, I promise!

Come talk to me! I promise I don't bite!

Permanent Feature

June's Winner: Hoenn Hoedown
Royal Princess by kuroeko
kuroeko with Royal Princess
Welcome to Hoenn, honey! - Contest entry by Fucal
Fucal with Welcome to Hoenn, Honey

Monthly Theme: August
There will not be a theme contest for August. Sorry for the inconvenience


Add a Comment:
Lustanjo Featured By Owner 3 days ago  Student General Artist
I'm done!!! <3
(1 Reply)
Zeela-Winters Featured By Owner Oct 23, 2014  Student General Artist
Hiya :3

You were going to send me info about a Portrait commission, but you never send the note? Either that or DA glitched and I didn't receive it ><;
(1 Reply)
MalverneWade Featured By Owner Oct 20, 2014  New member Student Digital Artist
(1 Reply)
hunterN05 Featured By Owner Oct 18, 2014  Professional General Artist
I has sumtun to tells ya!
(1 Reply)
MalverneWade Featured By Owner Oct 15, 2014  New member Student Digital Artist
(1 Reply)
SadistSkunk Featured By Owner Oct 13, 2014  Professional Digital Artist
:la: Go team stalker!
(1 Reply)
NPavusa Featured By Owner Oct 12, 2014  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Thanks for the Llama! :D
(1 Reply)
TarmaHartley Featured By Owner Oct 12, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you very much for the :llama: and I hope that you have a marvelous day! :icongrin--plz:

(1 Reply)
WeAreOnTheRoadAgaln Featured By Owner Oct 11, 2014
35 by WeAreOnTheRoadAgaln  Here's your icon! <3
(1 Reply)
esperiya Featured By Owner Oct 9, 2014  New member Student Writer
I just wanted to let you know why i'm taking quite a long time on desolate-souls to update, but i promise i can and will get too it. I have added a whole new chapter and am happily working on a story counterpart. I know you would probably like me to get into action as fast as possible, but i am working- I want you to know. Schoolwork is piling up on me fast so my planning is a bit slow, but when i do update i will be very, very active. I hope your alright with this.
I promise to uphold your group in an active status for as long as i can. 
(1 Reply)
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